Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
