I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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