We won't sleep together?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
