Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
