I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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