I'm so fucking centered right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
