This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
