remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
