Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
