the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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