yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
