problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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