What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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