dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
