He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
