Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
