True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
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