i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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