I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
