YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
