38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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