i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
