So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
