its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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