If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
