I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
