btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Small penises have feelings too.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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