dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
