Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
