big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
