i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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