I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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