Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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