A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Don't make out with my wife yet
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
