Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
