i permit you to call me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
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Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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