so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
