Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
