You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
