I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
