you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
