Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
