barbara walters just said penis...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
