I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
