I think i peed on brittanys purse
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
