I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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