I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
