Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
