I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
