I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
