All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
