is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
