I just saw a hot homeless man
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
