Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
