don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
