The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
