I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
