Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
