11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize