I just made out with a guy for $7.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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