The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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