I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
