Just cropdusted the office
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
