Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
