i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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