Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
