The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
