What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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