I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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