I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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